WORDS THAT HURT & HEAL

In the last few days I have had to wrestle with words. Specifically words in the way used when naming/labeling, calling someone something.

More specifically I was called ‘a fucking aggressive dyke’, by a very drunk man, who had overstayed his welcome after I had very kindly, and with great humour, asked him and his fellow drinkers to finish their drinks and go home. Hoping to appeal to their gentler, kinder sides (foolish me) I ended up butting heads with the most arrogant, drunkest one of the lot, who kindly offered to lick my ...ahem.. for me.

Surprised by my decline of his generous offer, I was then labelled the above. Which brings me to the whole question of labeling.

Labels are dated. They also date the person using them. The debate of labels can open up a myriad of possibilities, but to keep the momentum moving forward I shall have to limit these options.

Being newish to the gay scene, being labelled a dyke is almost an insult. To me a Dyke conjured images of a big, mannish woman, with short, home cut hair, who wore comfortable shoes. I now know it is merely one word, on the mountain of many of the most expressive and descriptive words in the English vocabulary.

I have met the most feminine dykes who wear lipstick, are sultry and sexy, who wear dresses and have the most glorious manes of hair. They are also known as ‘Lipstick lesbians’. Roll these around your mouth; Stone butch, Butch, Lipstick lesbian, Sporty dyke, Dyke, Soft butch, Blue jean femme, Chapstick lesbian, Pillow queen, Power dyke, Stud, Bulldyke, Bulldagger, Diesel dyke, Stem. These are but some of the labels for lesbians.

Stone Butch:
Definition: A stone butch is a lesbian who gets her pleasure from pleasing her partner. She does not like to be touched sexually.

Butch:
Definition: A woman who adopts what would be considered masculine characteristics.

Sport Dyke:
Definition: A sport dyke is a lesbian, who more than anything, identifies with being an athlete. She may also dress in a manner that would give the impression she is an athlete, like baseball caps, sweatshirts and jeans.

Soft Butch:
Definition: A soft butch is a lesbian whose appearance is generally androgynous. She may dress and act in a masculine manner, but be soft and more feminine in the inside. Also, a soft butch can be someone who falls somewhere between butch and femme, but closer to the butch side.

Blue jean Femme lesbian:
Definition: A Blue Jean Femme is a lesbian who identifies as femme, or feminine, but prefers jeans and more casual clothing to dresses and skirts.

Chapstick Lesbian:
Definition: A chapstick lesbian is also known as a soft butch or androgynous. She usually dresses quite casually and does not wear make-up. The term Chapstick Lesbian was popularized after an episode of the TV show Ellen. Someone asked Ellen if she were a lipstick lesbian or what. Ellen replied, she was more of a chapstick lesbian.

Kiki:
Definition: Kiki is a term that was used in the lesbian bar culture of the 1950s and 1960s to describe someone who was neither butch nor femme. At that time, the bar culture was very much into roles and most women were pressured to choose either butch or femme.

Gold star Lesbian:
Definition: A gold star lesbian is a lesbian who has never slept with a man and has no intention of ever sleeping with a man.

Diesel Dyke:
Definition: A Diesel Dyke is a very butch or manly lesbian, especially one who is very aggressive.

Hasbian: (my favorite!)
Definition: A hasbian is a woman who used to identify as a lesbian and date women, but is now dating men.

Futch:
The word describes someone who is neither feminine nor butch, but a cross between.

Now it has to be said that to merely call me a dyke is in fact an insult, when I could be so much more. I could say I am a Lipstick lesbian, of the dress wearing, heel clicking kind. Just to see my shoe and jewellery collection would impress the most stoic amongst you. To cast your eye on my collection of unguents and fragrances would surely make you weep. Yes I am that, yet, I am so much more.

I am a mother, a sister, a woman who reads, I am a gardener, employer, student of life, I am a lover, a learner, a Jill of all trades. An artist, a photographer, animal rescuer and poet.

I answer to Mommy, Boss, Chef, and Honeybunny.

So, to those that I know I still have to encounter on my journey through life. The ones that have need for labels or naming. Please get it right.

I am a woman.

Hear me roar.

Resources: Kathy Belge -'Lesbian life guide"