BAD HAIR DAY

First there was the shocked silence when I mms'd her the picture after I'd done the deed (yes, I knew she'd be pissed so I didn't tell her beforehand). Then there was the rant of 'now you really look butch'. and then after a two hour debate over why this whole thing was so wrong, she confessed she still didn't like it, but was sure it would grow on her ...

During all of this my outright response, and silent thought, was that 'it's just hair!'. But apparently as I found out, it's never 'just hair' ...

Why this fascination with 'gay hair'? 'lesbian hair'? Does hair really maketh the woman gay?

Obviously there's that thing where if a woman cuts her hair, she's 'letting go' of something. This I get. Especially if it's after a break-up. Or if she's going through a really crappy time and needs a pick-me-up make-over. 'cause if you look good, you feel good. But sometimes it's just a hair-cut!

In my case it was because it's summer and it's really hot and I hate hair in my neck and my face. I have really straight hair, so it just kinda hangs there.Like a curtain. And of course it kept getting in the way during sex. Too short to tie back. Too long to keep out of mouths. Literally a hair-ball. Ew. We even joked that I should get a "Hello Kitty" bandana to keep it back ... hello kitty ... geddit? mmm ...

Anyway, I digress. So we ended up a few days later sitting in the car, me biting my lip (in frustration, a little anger and a lot of confusion); her seriously trying to explain why she couldn't even look at me! Never mind touch me. All because now I really looked like a lesbian (as if the hair could hide that!). And how this really freaked her out, and upset her. Apparently the longer hair didn't give me away right away. I could still pass as straight if need be.

Seriously?

Me, with my boy swagger, hands constantly in my pockets and the fact that I can't cross my legs at the knees when I sit as this makes me feel like I'm dislocating my hip. And not in a good way. And of course I'm always in either a suit and shirt with loafers for work, or jeans, t-shirt and sneakers for play. And my big buckled boy's belt! Don't get me started on that. She almost had a fit when she saw it for the first time!

If we go anywhere, I have to get all accessorized and made-up (eye-liner is fine, but I draw the line at mascara, blush or lip-stick). And she wants to burn my t-shirts, my grey sneakers that I've had for around 3 years now, my hoodies, and my boy-jeans. We went shopping together. I now have pretty flare bottomed jeans. Even a pretty pink blouse! I get to keep my grey sneakers. But I had to get a pair of pretty shoes too. Black strappy pumps. They're actually quite comfortable. Who would've thought. Strangely enough, she finds my boy-leg undies sexy ....

But yes, apparently before the hair-cut I could pass for straight. And now .... now I've just shoved my sexuality blatantly in the face of all and sundry. How dare I!

Oh ... did I mention that she still has one foot in the closet?? We've been together 18 months now. And we've been very discreet. Out to our friends and my family. Out to her brother and his wife. But her father knows nothing. Suspects nothing. We plan on keeping it that way for now.

Obviously eventually he's going to find out. These things never stay secret for long. But I've done my part to be discreet, to protect her. I've never pushed her to tell him. Everybody else that matters in her life have met me, or at the very least know about me. And my daughter loves her. (Yes, I have a daughter, but more on that another time). So for now I embrace my 'dirty little secret' status. Although I often point out that the longer we're in this, the smaller the circle grows, the tighter it closes, until eventually he's going to be slap bang in the middle, rudely awakened from his denial.

Until then, I like my hair. And now she likes it too.

How'd I turn her around? With my wit? With my charm? No .... The trade-off is I have to wear ear-rings. Pretty girly silver hoops.

It's just hair!

ABOUT TANYA PAULSE
T-Bird is short, sweet and 36, sings in the shower, dances in the rain, loves to try anything at least once (twice if she likes it, three times just for kicks), and boy does Life feel good!