ANGRY WOMEN

I was discussing abusive women with my girlfriend; I know a considerable amount of people that have been in relationships where violence has played a big role and some that are still “stuck” in those relationships, victims.

I personally have been in two abusive relationships. An ex-girlfriend of mine saw to it that I paid a visit to the emergency room every second week, not the way I wanted to get to know the nursing staff! Amongst the many incidences, she threw me from a moving car; I have been beaten so bad I had my arm in a brace for weeks. And I have also landed at the bottom of a staircase.

Sound like a horror movie?

It feels like one when you are living it.

I always vehemently berated women that stayed in violent relationships, always angry towards them for not walking out, for not contacting someone to get them help. It’s not that simple when you experience it first hand, and it’s horrible to find out the hard way.

When you love someone and they mentally and physically abuse you to the point where you’re feeling that you deserve to be treated like that or because they make you feel like no one else would want you, it is bound to end with someone getting severely hurt or even worse. If I’m writing to you and you’re relating to what I’m saying – you need to get out.

You need to get out.

You need to get out!

I cannot say that enough! Her promises of changing, her promises of getting help are more times than not empty promises to keep you in her control. An angry woman that raises her hand to another does not deserve to be in a relationship with you, and she certainly does not deserve your love or trust.

In fear of slight contradiction there is a minority that will follow through with getting help, but this has to be extensive help that will benefit in the long term, only then will she have the potential for change.

Don’t compromise yourself until that change has happened and you can be certain she won’t lay a violent hand on you again.

Through my own personal experience, I’ve discovered that there are not enough centres for battered woman, a safe haven for someone to go to, a battered lesbian that needs to feel secure.

A close friend with vast experience in self defence wants to start a place of refuge which I think is going to make a tremendous impact in South Africa. I hope to share more about that when the time comes.

If you are too scared to speak to friends or family about what is happening between you and your girlfriend, then please contact someone at one of the gay organizations, or contact me, and let’s find a solution together! There is always somebody out there that can help you!

Specialist organisations for women and lesbian women include: www. powa.co.za and www.few.org.za :

Please don’t wait to get help.

ABOUT NATASHA QUINN
Natasha is the Administrator and Treasure for Joburg Pride. She is a survivor, self-identified femme, into and interested in the butch/femme dynamic, gay rights, equality, lesbian interests and well being.